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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

on being "nice"

being irish, and have a high percentage of red-haired people in my family, i have a propensity for losing my temper.

"loosing" it, as my husband says.

that is actually not just a misspelling, but quite accurate.

i grew up in a house where there were two ways to get mad: RAGE and icy silence.

i liked RAGE better. got real good at it. practiced it a lot.

over the decades of my life (i just love saying that)

i've LOOSED my temper a lot.

i was a yeller mom. you know, the one who yells. forgive me, kids. young parents should not be entrusted with tender children. but for some reason, that's how it works.

with my little emma, i'm learning not to do that...she dissolves in a puddle of anguished tears if i dare even change my tone.

in pompous hubris, i've called it RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION.

blustering. howling. insanity.

righteous, not so much.

nothin' but a lack of self-control and vainglory. (isn't that a gorgeous old word...)

so i am learning, slowly- and it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks- to get things done NICELY. using quiet tones. whining a bit if necessary. smiling. persisting. pressing. being NICE.

to me- carrying generations of fiery temper genes- this is a struggle.

a discipline.

just plain HARD.

but i'm learning.

so, that said, i'll head over to my construction site and see how things are going...sigh...SMILE.