i'm alone, and little girl is sick, and too much traffic and driving and teaching have exhausted me.
unbidden, from my lips springs a song as i start supper on tired ankles in the kitchen...
"no, never alone, no never alone,
He promised never to leave me,
never to leave me alone..."
my mother's clear high soprano echoes in the room and i hear her in my voice,
and startled, stop singing.
then the notes swell again in my heart and i begin to sing again, my head aching and my heart worried about so many things...
"no, never alone..."
the husband-empty days and nights have piled up with decisions and bills and fatigue and just plain missing him...
i sing another line in my mom's voice (i sing in her voice, unconsciously, she gave it to me- such a gift)
"He promised never to leave me..."
Lord, you are here, in this kitchen with my sore feet and my frown and my dehydrated body and aching eyes and head....
I lean on Him hard just now...Lord, baby girl is sick, won't You please please touch her...
The night is long and dark, but
"He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone..."
tears well up
my heart flies back to those early days of hearing my mother sing that mantra over and over and over as her own heart broke and she languished alone all through the dark winters of my childhood and cared for the 8 of us alone...but she knew she wasn't alone.
softly i sing it, over and over and over.