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Monday, January 30, 2012

in the wee small hours of the morning...

can't sleep.

too many things on my mind.

grandpa so ill.

daddy gone for so long.

a summer of travel to plan and budget for.

frustration with red tape for emma's papers.

my poor brain chooses to mull these things over 
when it should be sleeping, 
in the starlit hours of quietness that precede the busy day.

this is "behind the morning"...

a poet said it so beautifully:

"i have always been delighted at the prospect
of a new day,
a fresh try,
one more start,
with perhaps a bit of magic waiting
somewhere behind the morning."

morning is coming. 

sleep will come.

i give myself permission to think, to process,
 to take the time that i did not have 
during this past day 
to be creative and thoughtful.

necessary quiet time- in the wee small hours.

it's ok, little brain.

think away.

plan. pray. process. 

and trust Him who holds tomorrow.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

we fly

husband on an airplane- hyderabad/chennai/london/calgary.

daughter flying out tomorrow- manila/hongkong/vancouver/calgary.

son on the computer buying tickets.

other son at his grandfather's side in hospital, sleepless both of them, watching and waiting and restless and so so tired.

life is hard.

we left behind scramble to fill in the gaps, to hold the chain together, to take care of what must be done because we cannot go.

this is family.

this is family during the hard times.

grandfather's old body breaking down...mind losing its grip on reality...tired organs failing...

this is life.

this is how it comes sometimes.

we pray.

we fly.

we hold the breaches with our hands.

we sit in the hospital room and breathe, and watch him try to breathe, and pray.

we fly.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

one of the many hats i wear..."teacher denie"

 me and 'ha som'
me and my very own little emma-girl

me and faith

 me and jael
me and claire

me and bella

me and isabella

the chance to teach is a chance to change a life.

i love these little girls, pictured here at a birthday party last week-
and i don't take lightly their love for me.
the hugs, the kisses, the snuggles,
the learning moments,
the times when i correct
and even confront
 these little budding flowers
are precious.

5 is such a delicious age!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

an essay on sunflowers

                        For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven...
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Sunday, January 8, 2012

hello mr new year...

it crept up, it did-
on slidey silent feet
only a hint, here and there,
of the hours
ticking away

i missed it,
wasn't watching-
focused on the present,
the quick passage of time,
and the tick tock

in a blaze of fire and clamor
the old year roared its last breath

and in the gasp of silence
there it was,
the new.

what shall i do with it?

it stares me in the face
as if to say, "here i am,
like it or not."

such a presumptuous thing,
a new year.

Monday, January 2, 2012

thinking things through

wow, that's a lot of 'th's....

i've been thinking.

letting the Christmas season wash over me and now the New Year has begun.

the feasting and fellowship and fireworks are over.

i've relaxed, enjoyed family, read books and watched movies and played with my little girl and entertained and gone to church and driven many miles over this past vacation.

it's been peaceful and restful and not as stressful as other years, probably because i chose to keep my expectations low and didn't work my fingers to the bone making/buying gifts. just let the days flow by and didn't buy one gift till the week before Christmas.

and that was ok.

now, i'm thinking.

reading blogs that talk about steps to the new year.

listening to sermons that talk about changing things.

remembering all the resolutions i've made for decades past.


i think- i think-

that i won't change anything this year.

i want it all to stay the same.

i want january to be just like december was.

i don't have any great decisions to make or life-style changes i want to implement.

i want simply the free-flowing gentle pace of life that i had in 2011 to continue in 2012. i actually hate changing things. i used to enjoy it, need it, thrive on it, but lately- like in the past 5 years- i've begun to appreciate the moment and the way things are right now and i don't like surprises and i don't like moving, and i want to be still.

change is highly over-rated.

that's what i think, anyway.

happy new year!