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Sunday, December 30, 2012

one word

so...picking one word as a theme for the new year is really big nowadays.

i'm game to try it for a year...and see if it really changes anything.

this past year, in fact the past 3 years, have had a word going for them- TIRED. aka overcommitted, stretched, fatigued, doing-things-out-of-wrong-motives, ....

shall i go on?

yup, that's me.

tired.

so i am going to intentionally choose my word for this year.

it is

REST

now let's see if i can actually make it work.

*stop sniggering, all of you*

Friday, December 21, 2012

stilling

when christmas comes, it's hard to slow down.

i feel guilty thinking about all the things i have NOT done this year.

this feeling recirculates every single year, and i have to get a handle on it every single year.

or it spoils the season.

things change from year to year- schedules are different, sickness steals a day here and there, pressures poke up nasty little heads from unexpected corners...

but christmas comes, nonetheless.

in our corner of the world, it's easy to get frustrated with the traffic. this is the single worst point of the holiday season where we are. millions of cars on tiny narrow streets trying to get into vast malls to spend their money...and everyone ends up honking and swearing and driving recklessly so as to be first in line. blood pressure rises. tempers flare. the contrast of the happy music of 'jingle bells' and the race to the tills is ridiculous.

where are you, christmas?

i still my heart.

i refuse to join the fracas.

i wait. i pray. i trust holy spirit to guide me in my activities this season- gauging my energy level and my peace of mind over the 'must-see's' and the 'should-do's'.

still.

as ann says, 'what if christmas was about the presents we already have'...???

what if it were all about what we already have.

our health. our family. our joy in jesus. our bountiful table. our nice clothes. our pleasant friends.

our garden/house/vacation/work/churchfamily/bible/healthinsurance/nicerestaurants/gifting/talents/....

the list is endless.

why must we have more?

where are we going?

what could the mall possibly offer that we do not already have????

so again, this year, i am boycotting christmas in a sense.

i am stilling.

i am consciously holding myself in that still inner place where HE speaks- and says, 'it's really all about ME.'

yes.

still.

dangerously

write dangerously, she said.

write what you wish someone would write to you.

get to the edge of the cliff and look down, then take a deep breath and jump.

flail if you must, but jump.

well.

the world has not ended, me living at the eastern edge of it, and so we must go on.

dangerous?

oh yes.

it's dangerous. it's dark. it's murderous. it's terrifying.

but it has not ended.

and so we must, and shall, continue to breathe, and eat, and walk, and have conversations, and live- dangerously.

because we are on a whirling planet at the edge of a vast universe filled with terrifying and beautiful things, and we understand none of it, and our whitened knuckles grip gravity because we don't know how else to spin through space without falling off. we are not reepicheep, composed in his small coracle, riding the shimmering blue wave into aslan's world. we toil here in the backwoods of the galaxy, knowing not what we spin or weave, and we gasp as the ball we're stuck on rotates endlessly through space with us clinging desperately to every tiny blade of grass.

and so, there. that was dangerous.




Sunday, December 2, 2012

the storm approaches

a howler, they say,
this huge yellow and red circle on the blue of the pacific
glowing on my computer screen

looks angry

looks hungry

circling in a vast violent rotation
of screaming wind and thrashing rainbands

it's coming

it's coming

the air is deathly still and dripping humid
the clouds hover low
like threads of some monstrous web
tightening overhead

we wait

we wait

we wait

for the storm

to come