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Friday, December 21, 2012

stilling

when christmas comes, it's hard to slow down.

i feel guilty thinking about all the things i have NOT done this year.

this feeling recirculates every single year, and i have to get a handle on it every single year.

or it spoils the season.

things change from year to year- schedules are different, sickness steals a day here and there, pressures poke up nasty little heads from unexpected corners...

but christmas comes, nonetheless.

in our corner of the world, it's easy to get frustrated with the traffic. this is the single worst point of the holiday season where we are. millions of cars on tiny narrow streets trying to get into vast malls to spend their money...and everyone ends up honking and swearing and driving recklessly so as to be first in line. blood pressure rises. tempers flare. the contrast of the happy music of 'jingle bells' and the race to the tills is ridiculous.

where are you, christmas?

i still my heart.

i refuse to join the fracas.

i wait. i pray. i trust holy spirit to guide me in my activities this season- gauging my energy level and my peace of mind over the 'must-see's' and the 'should-do's'.

still.

as ann says, 'what if christmas was about the presents we already have'...???

what if it were all about what we already have.

our health. our family. our joy in jesus. our bountiful table. our nice clothes. our pleasant friends.

our garden/house/vacation/work/churchfamily/bible/healthinsurance/nicerestaurants/gifting/talents/....

the list is endless.

why must we have more?

where are we going?

what could the mall possibly offer that we do not already have????

so again, this year, i am boycotting christmas in a sense.

i am stilling.

i am consciously holding myself in that still inner place where HE speaks- and says, 'it's really all about ME.'

yes.

still.