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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

sometimes when i look at my knees

i don't recognize them.

i mean, whose wobbly skin is this? whose varicose veins are those? and for heaven's sake, who do those puffy ankles belong to?

the toll this life takes is astounding.

every day is a battle for health, for being pain-free, for getting enough rest and proper nutrition.

i remind myself to drink enough water. drink. drink. drink.

pee, pee, pee.

eat papaya to stay regular.

get exercise. walk. climb stairs.

no sugar. very little caffeine, and only in the morning.

ON AND ON IT GOES.

i used to not even think about this body. it just worked, and i carried on without a thought as to how it felt or what it looked like. i ate whatever i wanted. i slept deeply and fast. i chased children without needing to sit down. i could work around the clock for 3-4 days and be nicely tired but still functional.

whose body is this?

whose face is that in the mirror? those fading blue/green eyes. the pointy chin with a saggy wattle underneath, and a few whiskers here and there. BLECH. whose graying hair and whose sagging breasts and whose wrinkled hands?????????

who are you and what have you done with me??????

sometimes when i look at my knees, i don't recognize them.