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Monday, August 26, 2013

the bad guys

my dear sweet brave little girl, 7 years old, has been battling fear for months now. it started with an incident in a shopping mall a year ago, where i was robbed. my wallet was stolen out of my purse. i had my girlie and several grandkids with me, and it was all a bit chaotic and crazy and disturbing, as we sorted out the video footage of the robbery, were taken to the security office, and eventually got my wallet back intact except for a bit of cash missing. YAY!!!

but emma had been frightened deep down in her little heart, and the innocence was gone. bad guys had come calling, and she hadn't known they existed.

oh, eden, with your sweet life of freedom and goodness...gone...

so, one day, an apparently innocuous movie triggered this buried trauma that we didn't even know was there. and suddenly, the dark was scary, being in another room was scary, sleeping in her own bed was scary...in fact- as evening approached, she began to tremble and get weepy and not let us out of her sight, because "the bad guys" might get her.

this struggle has been going on for some time now.

we've prayed.

we've talked it all through.

we've asked Jesus to come and take away the lies that were planted in her little heart and bring His truth, and He has.

we've been strong. we've prayed in tongues, and so has emma... her sweet prayer language flowing so easily and building her up on the inside...but then...darkness falls, and she trembles again.

some nights are not so bad...but some are heart wrenching. "mommy, please, i promise this will be the last night i ever ask to sleep in your bed...please please don't make me sleep alone, i promise..." weeping.

oh, it's hard. it's hard to know just how tough to be...we agonize, daddy and i, if we're being unreasonable and causing more damage as we encourage her, and in fact- force her, to sleep in her own bed (after weeks of sleeping with us).

nightlights everywhere.

scriptures quoted.

fervent prayers prayed specifically for power and love and "self-discipline".

the bible playing on her iPod.

prayers and hugs and daddy staying with her till she's asleep.

the torment that fear brings to a mind is so clear to me after this struggle. i too remember that torment, and i rejoice in my hard-won freedom. but it's coming slowly for our girlie.

we won't quit.

the bad guys are not gonna win.

there will come a night when she is not teary-eyed as darkness falls, whispering, "mommy, do you mind if i tell you that i'm having bad-guy thoughts again?"

oh yes. we will win. emma will be free from fear.

and the bad guys will never, ever, win.